omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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