I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
