Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
