i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
