you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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