Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
