Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
