Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
