there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
