I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
