he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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