its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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