I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
