38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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