Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
