Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
