Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
