cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's great music for shaving your balls
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
