You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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