Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
