ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
