DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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