honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
