I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
