The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
