____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
