god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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