I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
