im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
