It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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