Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
