Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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