You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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