he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
