So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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