Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
