If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
