youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
