I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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