So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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