; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
operation harelip BJ is a go
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
