I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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