She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
