i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
