If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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