I'm really into asian looking animals
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
