There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
