Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
