Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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