phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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