i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
