yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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