We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
