I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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