I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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