I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
