I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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