You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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