he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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