alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
