This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i've created a new STD.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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