I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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