apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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