i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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