just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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