I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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