good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
