Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
