I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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