I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
