oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They have beer where we have blood.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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