you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
